Where Have All The Good Girls Gone?

Lately, my thoughts about women have taken on a sort of personals-ad gestalt (yes, I have lost all restraint and sunken into deep & reckless desperation). People who "know" about love say it's counterproductive to make a list of traits one's searching for in someone else, but I don't know if I believe that. How do you know you've found what you're looking for if you don't know what you're trying to find?

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, but I'm learning what I'm not looking for. Maybe that's part of the problem...

But I digress. Without further ado, here sounds Marcus, plumbing the depths of female consciousness in his psychoanalytic Submersible of Love:

"Straight-laced, 24 year-old, academic adonis seeks adamic help-meet for lifetime of joint bliss. Must display determination, goal-oriented behavior, virtue in thought and action, ability to accurately consider feelings of others, and desire to brave the wily and treacherous undercurrents of life with a 'can-do' attitude, as opposed to showing tendency to retreat into familiar, stagnant, comfortable lifestyle.

Success-leeches, gold-diggers, and drama queens need not apply..."

(Unless, of course, applicant is a really hot gold-digger or success-leech. I also find success catepillars to be non-threatening, unless we're talking about those really long, fat catepillars like they have in rainforests. Centipedes are kind of ominous looking...)